oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
smell my finger.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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