He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
