I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
