I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
