A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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