I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
