SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
