he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
