i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
