i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
