I think scott just propositioned me for sex
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
