i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
