Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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