I am in a vortex of obligation.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
