Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
