Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
