so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
