So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
