And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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