I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
