its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
