I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
