last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
