My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
please come you make the beer taste better
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
