If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
