Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
