you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
