so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
