Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
