I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I need to sanitize my soul.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
