somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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