I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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