I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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