Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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