you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
