dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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