We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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