Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
