wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
