she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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