They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
