I wish my penis had an off switch
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
