Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
