ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
