I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
