and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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