textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
