Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
