Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
