Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
