Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
