four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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