I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
